


Reasons I Love You

by MinnieLaceHaz



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bubble Bath, Fluff, M/M, Sad Ashton, almost relapse, ashton almost self harms, ashton gets hate, calum is sweet, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4423352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinnieLaceHaz/pseuds/MinnieLaceHaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#keepcuttingashtonyouretrash trends again as the KCA voting starts and Calum hates seeing his boyfriend so depressed over it, so he makes sure Ashton has the best night ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reasons I Love You

It wasn't often Ashton got upset. Seeing, hearing, and reading whatever is online never made him sad. He has grown use to the insults. The rude words and the insults thrown at him. It comes with the price of being famous and it took a while, but he learned to deal with the word 'famous'.

Ashton was mature. Though most fans wouldn't believe it, behind the cameras, he was a very mature person who has gone through a lot in life. From being a teenager who was lost, afraid to speak his mind and being teased often. Whether for having to wear glasses, for being 'emo' or 'gay', he was use to it and now he's grown and learned it was stupid to cry over that.

He was always afraid to wear his glasses again, however. He always thought they were ugly. People with glasses on TV were always the nerds and bullied. He would always put them together and not want to be like that. To be a 'nerd' because the media made that out to be an insult. 

The fans always said his glasses were cute, though. 

They would always tweet his old 'fetus' pictures. Showing him how ugly he was back then and how he still is. But, they used words like 'adorable' and 'cute' and 'aww'. Cute wasn't the best thing to call a guy, but that's what they thought of him. And, so he brought the glasses back. And the girls went crazy.

But, not only that. His boyfriend happened to miss them, too. But, he'd never say it because he knew Ashton was insecure over them, always wearing contacts instead. His eyesight was terrible and Calum knew contacts made him paranoid and felt like he would forget them in.

The fans would have never suspected, but Ashton and Calum were a 'thing'. They've been dating for a while now. Of course, not too long, but for a while. Almost six months and strong. It took a while, but Calum finally grew the nerve to ask him out and they have been keeping it a secret.

It's only because the fans didn't seem to want them together. They see so many of them 'ship' Lashton, Malum and Muke. However, none seem to want Ashton and Calum together. They even said it was gross or weird. That they don't have chemistry together.

But, they do.

Ashton loves Calum a lot and Calum feels the same. They admitted their love three months in. They made love four months in. They have been growing as a couple and were very happy together. Ashton was so happy. He was in a great relationship, a great band and had wonder fans.

Much to everyone's dismay, though, it's not always great to be famous. There comes with a price and that price is the hate. The other fandoms who don't like 5 Seconds of Summer. But, not just that. They seem to hate Ashton the most. Knowing he's the weakest emotionally and ha a weakness. That being his old self-harm addiction.

It was sad that people use that against him. How they just know what makes him tick and take advantage of it. Some fans noticed the small scars when meeting him. How he use to wear a lot of bracelets only (most of the time) on a certain arm. They saw the old article and it was sad for him to admit, but it was all true.

He was insecure. So very insecure. He was lonely and lost and the bullying was too much for him. That's why he stood up for Luke when he was teased for his fluro green glasses. He didn't like seeing another person picked up and when he joined the boys band, they all made him so happy.

He was welcomed into a beautiful band and the first person who knew of his cutting was Michael. He saw the cuts, because yes, Ashton sill did it at the beginning, and he had Ashton talk to him and the boys. It was the hardest thing to do, but slowly and gradually he stopped.

Because, Calum was the most upset over this. They all were, though. They all cared about Ashton. But, Calum was the one who nearly cried that night and Ashton didn't like upsetting him or his friends. So, he learned to stop. With the help of their fans during the Take Me Home tour, he learned to stop and soon enough he did.

But, the hashtag started. It was around March or April a year ago. It was terrible at first. Ashton didn't know what to think. He ignored it. Because, he was too busy to even think of it too much. All the boys distracted him. However, Calum was just quiet and not helping much. That was before they dated, though. He knew Calum was confused on his feelings back then and understands now.

Now, it's a year later. He never thought it would come back. Since it's calmed down a bit, Ashton wasn't as busy because their tour hasn't started yet and they were just waiting for the Kids Choice Awards. It started again by fans of FIfth Harmony. He wasn't mad at the band. The girls seem okay. He doesn't care for their music, but it was the fans. Not all of them, he's sure there's nice ones like every fandom. But, it was one or a couple.

And, he was just really insecure that day already. He was tired and not feeling the best. He had a small headache and he was so sad. He just wasn't in the mood. So, when he saw the hashtag was back, he wasn't okay. He tried ignoring it at first, but it was there and it was calling his name. For him to click and read the tweets.

As he laid in the hotel room, looking at his phone, he frowned. He rarely frowned, because Calum always says his smile is the most beautiful thing ever and he should always smile. But, he couldn't. Not when he saw what his 'fans' were saying. What their fans were saying.

'I love @5sos, but like, Ashton is just useless? Seriously, why is he even here? #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash'

'this is annoying af. Like, his hair is ugly and so is his face. Why do people even like him? #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash'

'are you kidding me? I mean, pft, Kellin Quinn is hot. But, Ashton? He sucks. Kill yourself! #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash'

'When is he going to realize no one cares that he's in the band? He's not even a good drummer #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash'

'5sos was 5sos without Ashton. They did great without him. He doesn't deserve to be in the band. #keepcuttingashtonyouretrash'

'just saw a cover he did. No wonder he doesn't sing. He's right, he sucks. He's no use to the band!! #keepcuttingashonyouretrash'

Ashton felt a lump form in his throat and he gulped slowly. He hesitantly read more and more and more. There were mostly good tweets of the true fans saying whoever started the hashtag are terrible. He appreciated that. But, when one fan said the person who made it should kill themselves, he didn't like that. It was hypocritical and just as bad as the person who started it.

But, he was just really sad. He kept thinking of what those people said. How they seemed so honest. That they probably truly want him dead. Maybe they're right. He wasn't even there from the start, the boys could have done so well without him. He was nothing to them. They're great without him.

As the thoughts ran through his mind, Ashton glanced at his wrist. Seeing it was without cuts and bracelets. It was clean and there were very light scars. Not very noticeable. He felt a tear slowly drip from his eye and he had the urge. One he hasn't had in nearly a year.

But, it's back and he can't help it. Ashton sniffled lightly, seeing there was a while before Calum would come back from where he and Luke were working on a new song. He rushed to the bathroom and shakily went into the small bag Calum had for his razors and toothbrushes along with other bathroom items.

He dug in the bag until he saw a disposal razor. There were a couple and he was hoping Calum wouldn't notice they were there. As he took them out, he felt his eyes prickle with more tears. His lip quivering as he took a pair of scissors from his bag and trying to break the razor blades out. His fingertips scratched a bit as they came and out sliced across his finger, but he didn't care.

When they were finally out, he frowned and slouched as he slid down the wall to the floor. He let out a small cry, lightly pressing the blade to his skin. But, he paused. He gulped slowly, hesitating. He never hesitates when he's going to self harm. But, so many months of being clean crossed his mind. How hard it was to stop himself before.

Was it worth it?

All those times he wanted to hurt himself for failing the fans because of his appendicitis, how he disappointed so many people and he just can't. He can't dissapoint more people because he's sad. He can't hurt himself. But, he really wanted to. So badly. He felt the urge take over.

Just as he went to cut his arm, there was a loud bang and he jumped up when seeing Calum walk into the hotel room. He forgot to close the bathroom door and Calum noticed him as he kicked off his shoes. His eyes widened, seeing Ashton sitting on the floor with tears falling and the small cuts on his fingers bleeding slightly. But, what caught his eyes the most was the razor in his hand.

Calum frantically rushed over, crouching down next to Ashton and snatched up the blade from his hand.Ashton looked at him with a frown and he mumbled out with a small sob,"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I -- I just, people were saying things on twitter and -- and there was this hashtag and it was making me---"

"Oh, baby," Calum sighed softly, pulling Ashton into his arms. Ashton coughed slightly, tears frantically running down his cheek as he practically crawled into his lap. "S'okay, Ash. It's fine. I-I mean, I'm not happy you almost...but, it's normal. People relapse. I'm just really glad you didn't."

A timid smile formed on Ashton's face,"I was going to...but, I -- I just remembered how sad you were when I did one time. How you were crying and just really hurt over it. I didn't want to make you sad again."

"I love you so much, Ash." Calum weakly smiled back, pressing his lips gently to Ashton's. He grimaced a bit when tasting salty tears and pulled away. "C'mon love, you should run yourself a nice, hot bath. Try to relax. I'll make you something to eat, okay?"

Ashton nodded slowly,"Um, can you take one with me?"

"I'll let you relax for a bit and then I'll join you," Calum promised, loving the smile that formed on Ashton's face. 

With a kiss on the cheek given, Ashton grinned, standing up and wincing as he forget his fingers were scraped while he brushed them over the counter. As he stripped down, Calum took the razor blades and his bag of other razors. He mentally slapped himself for keeping them out in the open and exited the bathroom, but kept the door open to keep an eye on Ashton.

He went over to Luke's room and hid the bag in his suitcase before returning to where Ashton was. The boy was stripped down naked and trying to make the water warmer. He shivered slightly and Calum smiled sadly. He was use to Ashton naked, he was always amazed with how beautiful he was, but he only gets turned on when they're naked and doing naughty things. Otherwise, he just finds Ashton beautiful.

As Ashton stepped into the bath, Calum went over to where the mini kitchen was. They had a fancy hotel with sliding doors that led to two different rooms. Luke had a room, Michael took the pull out couch in the living room type area and Ashton and Calum shared the other room and slept together in the bed.

Since the boys were out and doing who knows what, Calum decided to make some cupcakes. They were all going to make them another day, but he knew how much Ashton loved cupcakes and thought it would be nice to bake some. Ashton was most likely going to eat them all, but Calum didn't mind. He'll save a couple for himself.

When they were put in the oven, Calum decided he would make Ashton surprised and build a little fort. He knew Ashton use to do that a lot with his little brother and maybe it'd make a smile appear even bigger. So, he grabbed some pillows and blankets from the bedrooms and started making the fort.

It wasn't long till Ashton asked from the bathroom,"Calum? The water's getting cold. C'mon."

"One sec, love," Calum called back, sticking his tongue out slightly as he tried getting the blanket to stay up.

Finally, it was finished and he saw there was ten minutes left for the cupcakes, giving him enough time to cuddle and kiss Ashton while they bathed together. He heard Ashton draining the tub and refilling it with warm water. So, he grabbed some bath bombs from Ashton's bag and stripped down. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist before heading over to the bathroom.

He saw the water was steaming again and figured Ashton refilled it. The boy had his eyes closed, but opened then when hearing the door closing. He smiled when seeing Calum, biting his lip slightly and blushed when Calum dropped the towel. Calum let out a small laugh and opened the bathbomb before placing it in the tub.

Ashton grinned,"Hey, you got the sex bathbomb. I haven't tried that yet."

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it," Calum chuckle, motioning for Ashton to sit up. Ashton moved to the other side of the tub that's bigger than a typical one since they have a fancy hotel room.

When Calum got in, Ashton hesitated before moving into Calum's awaited arms. He watched the bathbomb fizz and turn the water a pinkish color. It was fizzing still and the two relaxed, both feeling like they were in cherry blossoms and Ashton leaned his back on Calum's chest as the taller of the two wrapped his arms around him.

Calum could tell Ashton was still sad. He wasn't the best at comforting people, especially when it came to Ashton. Despite them dating, Ashton always liked to hide when he's side. He didn't like talking about his problems, because he didn't like making others sad when he is.

But, Calum wanted to make him feel loved without having sex. He wanted to make Ashton feel as beautiful and amazing as he should. Which is why he just started kissing Ashton's shoulder and letting his hands run down his chest. Ashton's breath hitched, gulping slowly as he relaxed against Calum.

The younger boy pecked Ashton's cheek lightly, whispering,"You're so beautiful, love. Did you know that?" Ashton blushed, looking down and just shrugged. "You really are, I swear, I never met someone as gorgeous as you. So handsome and hot and adorable all at once, how did I get so lucky?"

"S-Stop it," Ashton giggled slightly, looking away. "You're making me blush."

Calum just shrugged and grinned, tightening his arms around Ashton but not enough to where he was suffocating him. He nuzzled his nose in Ashton's neck,"It's true. I'm the luckiest guy on earth, having someone like you to call mine. Do you wanna know a secret?"

"What?" Ashton asked sheepishly, leaning his head back on Calum's shoulder to look at the younger boy. He lightly bit his lip, placing his hands over where Calum's were on his stomach and entwined their fingers.

"I liked you a lot longer than I admitted," Calum said honestly, causing Ashton to furrow his eyebrows in confusion. "I said, I started liking you around the time we toured with One Direction. But,I lied. I've liked you since before we had you join the band. I actually was the one who pointed you out to the boys and um, I had a crush on you for ages."

"No way, you're just saying that," Ashton retorted, chuckling lightly.

But, Calum insisted shyly,"No, it's true. The boys always teased me about it and when you showed up with that ugly -- no offense -- purple shirt Michael was all 'Yup, he's gay. Go get him tiger' and it was really embarrassing. I thought you knew and was always scared I was being way too obvious."

Ashton's heart leaped slightly, slouching a bit as he mumbled,"Wow, I can't believe I didn't notice."

"I guess it's cause I always tried not to let you know. I would hang out with Luke more and Michael, cause I didn't think you would like me back. Even though Michael insisted you did," Calum shrugged reluctantly, then tilted Ashton's chin so he could kiss him softly,"I wish I told you before. We could have been together for so much longer."

Ashton had a thoughtful look on his face, moving around a bit so he could look right at Calum and the water almost spilled out, but he didn't mind. He just pecked the boy's lips and wrapped his arms around his neck,"I don't know. As much as I would have loved that, I like how things are now."

Calum nodded in agreement and let his hands grip at Ashton's waist as he captured the older boy's lips with his own. A small giggle left Ashton as he let his hands move up to Calum's hair and lightly play with it as they kissed deeply. Calum tilting his head to deepen it even more and pulling Ashton closer.

Sadly, the bath had to be cut short and they soon got out since the water was getting cold and Calum heard the cupcake timer go off. Ashton was confused at the sound, but Calum had him rinse out the tub so it wasn't stained pink. He lightly smacked Ashton's bum and sneakily stole his close as he rushed out while Ashton wasn't looking.

When he got the cupcakes ready, he let them cool off and grabbed the icing. He then heard a beep and knew it was probably Luke tweeting. He regrets having his notifications on for the boys, but just went over and grabbed his phone. However, he grimaced when he saw Luke just texted saying the hashtag was trending. 

The one about Ashton.

A look of disgust showed on Calum's face when he saw what some were saying. He was glad to see the good and true fans were defending Ashton, but it just wasn't the same. These people were saying Ashton didn't deserve to be in the band and that wasn't true at all. He was the heart of the band. The drummer is just as important as the lead singer.

What's a band without a drummer?

He shook his head in disgust, turning to start the cupcakes, but froze when he saw Ashton standing with a towel wrapped around himself and boxers on. His eyes were slightly red and he was sniffling quietly. Calum frowned and shook his head as he walked over, pulling the boy in his arms.

Ashton asked with a croaky voice,"Is--Is it bad? What are they saying?"

"It's not important, sweetheart, okay? It doesn't matter," Calum argued gently, embracing his boyfriend and trying not to get angry. Because, why would someone do that? Who asks a person to hurt themselves, to kill themselves? It's disgusting and wrong.

Ashton retorted, shaking his head with watery eyes,"Just tell me, Calum. Please. I can handle it."

"You obviously can't and it's okay. You shouldn't have to," Calum said. When Ashton glared, Calum grabbed onto him and pulled him back into a hug that Ashton obviously didn't want. "Listen to me, Ashton. What they're saying is nothing you deserve or need to read."

"But, it's what they think! It's what they think of me and -- and maybe it's true, okay?" Ashton spoke shakily, clinging onto Calum. "They think I'm trash, that -- that I'm useless and ugly and dumb and maybe it's true."

Calum shook his head,"No,never think that. Please, don't think that. You're so much more. You're sweet and kind and funny and you're beautiful. You're strong, angel. You have been clean for a year and you still are. You hold the band together, you make the fans stronger and you're everything, okay? You're my everything."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," Ashton glanced down, sniffling as he buried his face in Calum's chest.

A small, forced laugh left Calum's lips. He pressed a kiss to Ashton's head and sighed,"I can't argue with that. I am saying that to make you feel better. But, I also mean it. That's how I fell for you. Those are the reasons I love you and I can name a million more. I can write a book on how much you mean to me."

"Y-You can?" Calum nodded proudly, so Ashon asked with a weak chuckle. "Will you?"

Calum rolled his eyes and buried his face in Ashton's damp hair,"One day, I'll make a whole list and I'll give you to you. I won't tell you when, it'll be a surprise."

"I'm sorry," Ashton breathed out shakily. "For um, being so insecure. It's probably not fun having a weak boyfriend who cries all the time."

"You rarely cry, Ashton. At least, I barely ever see you do," Calum frowned. "And, I don't care. I may not like that you can't see what I do. But, this is a part of you. I love all of you and this is just small part of what makes you who you are. I don't mind."

It was true. Calum may not like that Ashton is insecure, but he also knew Ashton can't help it. It's not his fault, he just see's himself differently and it's part of life. Everyone has their down days and Ashton doesn't much, so it wasn't that bad.

Sometimes Calum doesn't mind complimenting the boy, because he likes saying what he loves about him. But, there are times when he wished Ashton would be happier because a happy Ashton is the best Ashton.

Before Ashton could argue, Calum pulled back and grinned,"Hey, I made you some cupcakes. Why don't we put some icing on them and get fat? I even found some sprinkles, I know how much you love them. And, I built a fort for you. We can bring the laptop in it and watch some movies and just cuddle till we fall asleep."

"You did all of that for me?" Ashton asked with a loving voice, shaking his head slowly. When Calum shrugged, Ashton wiped his teary eyes and smiled,"You're the best boyfriend ever."

"I know," Calum replied cheekily, wrapping an arm around Ashton and leading him towards the cupcakes. He grabbed the icing and handed it to Ashton.

At first, Ashton still looked upset. He had that fake smile on, but obviously appreciated what Calum was doing. Seeing this, Calum shook his head and smirked as he grabbed the other icing. He squeezed it till some got on his finger and then smeared it right across Ashton's cheek.

The boy gasped, turning to Calum with a pout,"Hey! Don't do that, we just took a bath."

"Sorry?" Calum shrugged fakely, grabbing Ashton by the hip as he tried walking away to wash it off. But, Calum just chuckled and licked it off his cheek. Ashton grimaced in disgust and Calum snorted,"Aw, you're so cute when you're grossed out. C'mon, when we make out our tongues basically lick each other's."

It looked like Ashton wanted to argue, but then he had a thoughtful look on his face. "Ew, that's true."

They then just looked at each other before bursting out laughing and Ashton shook his head in amusement. They finished up the cupcakes and just like Calum promised, they went into the fort. Ashton found it sweet how he went all out for it. Having chairs holding up the blankets and all the pillows surrounding the 'walls'.

When Calum went to get the laptop, Ashton noticed his phone was in the fort. He wanted to check twitter, just to see what people were saying. However, he was happy right now. His boyfriend just made him a fort, took a bath with him and made him cupcakes.

He didn't want to be sad.

So, he just laid down in the hoodie Calum gave him that was slightly big on him and he laid down while eating a cupcake. He saw Calum return and the younger boy put on Netflix. He leaned back and Ashton moved into his arms, laying his head on Calum's chest as the movie started.

Calum smiled and wipe some frosting from Ashton's bottom lip. A blush coated his cheeks and Calum just pressed his lips to the older boy's. Both were slightly tired already, seeing as is was late at night. So, he kiss was lazy and lingering, Ashton smiling sleepily against his mouth.

As Calum slipped his tongue in his mouth, the taste of frosting was there and he moved a bit, letting his body lay over Ashton's with the sound of lips smacking and the movie playing in the background. Ashton sighed softly, pulling Calum down more and they just kissed, nothing more and nothing less.

They kissed and kissed, lazily making out until Ashton's lips were tired. Until he was tired himself and drifting asleep in Calum's arms. His head was tucked into Calum's neck and chest pressed against Calum's. Their legs entwined and Ashton's hands lightly gripping onto Calum's shirt.

The younger boy looked down at his boyfriend with half-closed eyes. He yawned sleepily, brushing his fingers through Ashton's damp hair and kissing his nose sweetly. The boy scrunched it a little and frowned, snuggling closer.

Calum glanced at Ashton's arm, timidly moving the sleeve down and brushed his fingers over his scars. Scars that were faded and hopefully will never be recreated. Not as long as Calum was around. Because, Ashton was his love and he will always protect him as best as he could.


End file.
